I still haven’t died.
I’ve been trying to get my mental health together. A daily struggle to be sure.
I’ve been writing some other essays. Some of which I hope to publish one way or another. I’ve also been looking into self publishing some things.
I’m still around. I’m still here if anyone needs me.
Just taking this public thing to the background for a bit.
It’s been a week, friends.
I don’t think I’ve really been accomplishing the things I’d like to.
Mostly because I’m spending so much of my “free” time being too tired to think. The children have been extra challenging over the past month. Many days, its all I can do to get back home without crying on the interstate. All of us teachers and staff are stress out and frustrated. We really need Spring Break RIGHT NOW.
Sadly, we still have a few weeks to go.
I’m worried, honestly. Not just for my sake. I’m sure that the problem is happening across the country. I’m sure you are aware of the upswing in school related violence since January. The kids are a mess and as a result, we are too.
Something has to give at some point. Wires, much like people, snap when placed under too much strain.
Okay, so you may have noticed that I disappeared for a while.
Sorry about that.
I’m doing okay. I didn’t do anything too dangerous. I didn’t hurt myself or anyone else.
I did a little property damage but that’s neither here nor there.
I didn’t intend to be away for as long as I have been. I just felt that I need to take a step back from everything for a while. I needed to regain some sense of what I was doing and where I’m going.
I figured out some things and others are still a mystery. One thing I worked out is that I don’t have to feel like a failure if I don’t post something here every day. Blogging daily for over a year developed into quite a habit. I obsessed about it from time to time. I wanted to create quality content but it just wasn’t meant to be on a daily basis. Therefore, I’ve decided to post less often. A few times a week will do for the time being. I haven’t hammered down a schedule, but when I do, I’ll let you know.
TL:DR: I’m fine. Took a break but I’m back. Thanks and love you!
I knew it was a bad idea to spend any time online today. I knew it.
It didn’t help. I knew it wouldn’t.
But because I’m a glutton for misery, I decided to scroll through Facebook and Twitter for a while…
Like an idiot.
And now I feel like a worthless shit pile again.
I think I’ve reached a new limit. The point at which i feel like I’m going to crack up. The point at which i feel like my chest will explode if I don’t do something. The point when nothing I’ve tried before works. The point where I know i shouldn’t be.
But I, obviously, can’t do anything about it.
can’t wait.can’t stop.gotta keep moving.things need to get done.noone else is gonna bother.
No one else cares.
So, why can’t I?
Today was better than all of last week. If anyone spared any prayers for me, I thank you.
I just got in because Mondays are one of my busy days. I just want to hit the sack.
So I am.
I have to go back to work tomorrow.
Hopefully, it won’t be too tragic.
Today was better.
I made some food. Worked on a project. Watched some Olympics..
Better than yesterday
I’m in a bad place right now.
Real bad. Like, you wouldn’t believe how bad.
People ask me what’s wrong. I can’t answer. It feels like everything is wrong.
And in a way, it is. I think.
I only have the way I feel to judge by.
And everything feels bad and sad and wrong.
I don’t want to die. I have things to do.
but I wouldn’t object to a medically induced coma. That sounds nice.