Day 331: Giving thanks

I’m thankful that today went so smoothly. No arguments. No infighting. Just one minor head trauma. Kitchen cleaned and house emptied by 5.

I’ll call that a success.

I’m thankful for my big family. My cousins are an eternal trip and their kids are growing up the same way. My mom is getting old but is still the boss. Has no problem keeping everyone in line.

I’m thankful for my little family. My son ate his food and retired to a corner of the house to play Xbox in peace. He’s learned to adapt when there are more people than he’s comfortable around. My husband has blended right in with the rest of my folks. He accepts things that have been going on for ages and rolls with the punches. He’s my shoulder to lean on when I’m consumed with exhaustion.

All i need now are my comfy pajamas, hot chocolate, and a warm fire.

Advertisements

Day 329: Late-Nighter

I need to write more.

I’ve read about other writers that have set writing times each day. Some specific amount of time each day to put words on the page. I feel like this would work out well for me.

The only issue is finding the time. I already get up pretty early for work. Then, I’m off educating young minds for a good portion of the day. After that, I have to figure out food for the family and do some studying. If I manage to stay awake for that, I could get some writing done, but it’s hard to be inspired when you can barely function.

I used to get a lot of creative writing done late at night. I would stay up and hammer out all kinds of stories. A lot of it was fanfic, but I was still writing. Almost all of my multi-chapter stories were written, edited, or published after midnight. My ideas tend to flow better around 2 a.m.

This was back before I had to be coherent before 6 a.m. every day. When staying awake didn’t have any repercussions. Things are much different now.

I think my brain is slowly making adjustments. I’ve been taken with several little ideas during working hours. My fairy tale story is piecing itself together slowly. I can tell you that it will either include a princess or several elemental creatures. They won’t leave me alone.

I can’t always stop what I’m doing to write it down and some of my thoughts escape later recall. That’s the real tragedy here.

Also, when I’m too sad to think, writing is out of the question. I can’t barely stop hating myself to carry out basic life functions. You can forget anything creative. Waste of time. The winter/holiday season is usually hard on me. I get stuck in some real, unpleasant feelings. I can’t write and I feel bad about not writing which makes me not write more and that makes me feel worse.

And so on and so on and so on…

Day 327: Retwist

I’m working on a twist out. They haven’t been turning out the way I like so I’ve avoided them for a couple months. I can’t pinpoint the problem. I need to get my ends clipped, for sure, but there has to be more to it than that.

I’m not having any growth either. Maybe because I get stressed and my hair starts thinning. Its a thought.

Day 324: Crunch Time

Thanksgiving is a week away. It’s officially the holiday season. The end of semester crunch is in full swing and I haven’t had more than four consecutive hours of sleep in about a week.

Typical.

I have a hard time with the holidays anyway. I don’t exactly have fond memories of family gatherings. I see my family all the time anyway so there’s no real sentimentality there. Plus, there is almost always a major family argument at every holiday gathering.

There’s a lot of prep work involved. Cleaning, cooking, and hosting are three things that I typically want nothing to do with but am saddled with. Everyone wants a plate, but no one wants to cook and suddenly disappears when it’s time to clean the kitchen.

If I could just have small celebrations with my little family, that would be enough for me. My husband knows I don’t holidays and would stand by me if I decided to opt out.  My son is old enough to have his own social anxieties and prefers avoiding the crowd that would be gathered at my parent’s house anyway.

Sadly, I am the responsible, first-born and I can’t get out of this. I would have to be in the hospital or in prison to avoid it. Hell, I’m sure my mother could find some work for me to do from the hospital. Facebook invites need to be sent, you know.

Day 323: Sleep Trouble

I’ve been having disturbing dreams again.

It’s totally a stress thing, I’m sure. Nevertheless, its bothersome.

The bad part is that some of the dreams aren’t really unpleasant. They would be lovely under the correct circumstances, but I’m not a normal girl.

The rest are my typical serial killer type of nightmares. I have those all the time.

I’m weird.