Day 169: Dirt Dreams

I visited a mound today.

A mound of Earth that was built by Native Americans around 1100 ad.

It was hot and the march to the top was exhausting, but I made it. The view from there is impressive, but imagine how it looked when it was new. Before timeĀ  and industry wore it down. It had to have been amazing.

I thought about how my life would be if I has been born in that era. Working the fields in the same hot sunlight, preserving crops and fish for the brutal winters, birthing countless children without the aid of modern anesthesia. I’m sure I would have accepted it. How would I know any better? I would play the mother’s role as my mother and her mother did.

Standing on that mound made me reflective. I thought about all the people that had come before me. Civilizations that have come and gone before I was ever thought of. I thought about peoples that just went about their day to day lives, thinking about the past and future just like I do. Did those native women want to live free and happy lives just like I do? Did they dream of future generations and see greatness? The ancestors laid so much groundwork for us to build on and many of us ignore our historical connections altogether.

Would they be sad to know that? Would the people that came before us be bothered by the way we live now, locked in our own little bubbles?

I asked myself these questions and teared up. I hope I’m making my ancestors proud. I hope they gain the peace of knowing that their struggles and hardships weren’t in vain. I hope they are pleased that the legacy they left hasn’t been totally erased; that their lives mattered.

I decided, standing there in the summer sun, that I would live out my days in a way that would make my great grandmothers happy. I hope I’m part of the future they were dreaming of.

Day 168: Travels

My son left for a week of camp this morning. I was a little nervous but I’m sure he’ll be fine. This is the farthest he’s gone without me and that’s a little jarring. He’s okay. It’s just church camp.

He had a choice between boy scout camp and church camp and he went with church. Shocking, I know. I don’t think there was spiritual reason. Church camp includes more air conditioning and less work; simple as that. I can’t be mad at him.

That said, I’m left with way more time to kill than is good for me. I’ve planned crochet projects, buy that really depends on how I’m feeling that day. If you are the praying sort, put in a good word for me this week.

I’d appreciate it.

Day 166: Mess

I’ve had a weird day. I’ve…

-woken up far too early

-flaked out of a potentially important networking event

-passed out.

-woken up with the shakes

-felt terribly guilty for making people worry about me.

I think I’m okay now, just needed to eat. It’s still a bad feeling that I know how to avoid. I failed at taking care of myself again.