Tag Archives: finances

Day 212: Down and Out

I have to go back to work on Tuesday.

This is a blessing and a curse. It means that I get to return to some kind of normalcy, a routine if you will. I’ll start getting paid again and seeing my work family will be nice.

At the same time, there will be more fuel for my stress train. I have to go back to pretending to be okay to get through my work day. The kids are also dealing with their own issues and all their collective energies are very draining. Plus, I still have to survive another month without a paycheck. I’m already well behind on bills and finances have been my primary source of bad feelings over the fast ten weeks. This time of year is the worst for me apart from the holidays. Back to school coupled with my son’s birthday means that I need funds. Funds are exactly what I not only don’t have, but have no access to for a while. It’s hard to explain to your kid that we have to celebrate their birthday late because there’s no money for fun.

One would think I could have prepared better. I know about my summer drought every year. I tried to save some to prepare, but my savings ran out much faster than anticipated. My expenses have grown since last year and my budgeting was way off.

I hate asking for help. Hate it. I’m stubborn and have a habit of letting things get as bad as they can. I’m still not comfortable with it but something has to give.

I have a ko-fi link on my homepage and I’ll leave my paypal here too. I also started a patreon. If you would like to donate something, it would be appreciated. Even if you can’t, I understand. I brought this on myself.

Either way, I’m glad I have regular readers. It’s nice to know that I’m not just screaming into the void. I hope you guys are having a great day.

Day 154: Inside

I’m having a lot of feelings today. Not necessarily good ones either.

I love the free time that summer gives me, but it may be a little too much. My mind needs something to do or I’ll start torturing myself. It hasn’t been a week and I’m already not feeling great.

Writing about my concerns helps some. I manage to get out of my own head for a moment while I try to explain things. I don’t want to start paying a therapist again. It isn’t in the budget for the next ten to twelve weeks.

Money is a large part of my problem. No work means no income. No income means staying inside to save the little money I have. Staying home makes my depression worse and I start to feel trapped. I start feeling guilty for not working, but I need this break. The school year has become overly exhausting and summer becomes the only respite I get. It’s truly a nasty cycle.

I guess I’ll just keep lying around.