Tag Archives: health

Day 277: Drop it Low

I recently discovered that I really like to dance. Like, a lot.

I’ve been dancing on my own forever. Whenever I hear the right song or a good beat, I can’t help myself. However, I don’t go out and dance very often. I’ve been afraid of being laughed at and judged.

You may not have noticed, but I’m a fat girl. Have been for years.

I’ve got quite a bit of extra jiggle when I move my body. Most people can’t handle seeing it. It’s taken years for me to handle feeling it.

People can be quite rude to fat girls. We can do anything without ridicule.

Want to be a fashionista? Not without a healthy budget and very hard to find options that are fashionable.

Okay then. I’ll try to work out? Nope. You’ll get made the butt of jokes around the gym. You won’t want to step foot in the place again.

I want a fun and varied choice of sexual partners. Sorry. Sexism, slut shaming, and fatophobia are all working against you here.

It’s ridiculous.

Can a big girl just grind on some folks in the club without getting nasty side-eye from literally everyone?

Damn. Can I live?

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Day 195: Pound

Something is wrong with my head and I don’t mean the regular stuff.

I’ve been having this throbbing in my ear. I think I can hear my pulse because of the built up fluid in my head. If I hold my head the other way, it drains eventually and the throbbing stops.

It doesn’t hurt but it is annoying. I tried to look up a diagnosis, but I can’t find anything solid. I called a doctor, but nothing is available until September.

Guess I get to suffer until then.

Day 166: Mess

I’ve had a weird day. I’ve…

-woken up far too early

-flaked out of a potentially important networking event

-passed out.

-woken up with the shakes

-felt terribly guilty for making people worry about me.

I think I’m okay now, just needed to eat. It’s still a bad feeling that I know how to avoid. I failed at taking care of myself again.

Day 142: Stop and Breathe

There are a lot of things I’m working on to improve myself. My self esteem is a mess on a good day. Depression is always lurking behind every corner. I could stand to lose a few pounds, etc.

One of the major things that bothers me us my seeming inability to control my stressors. I let things pile on until I have a breakdown. Could be anything; school stress, work stress, general life stress, doesn’t matter. I don’t vent. I allow my problems to continue to weigh me down.

As I said, I know it’s an issue. It gets to the point when I can hardly function without being a wreck. Generally, a bad time for everyone around me. There are a few things that help but my depression works in a wrap around and I have no desire to take care of myself. Vicious.

There is no real point here other than I’m stressed out right now. I’m sure my overall health is being affected. I’ve started having these random stabbing pains in my head. It sucks and I have no idea when they will strike. I’ll be going about my business when I suddenly have to grab my head and moan.  The pain lingers for awhile then goes away, but it always happens again. Hopefully, its just a side effect of my stress and it isn’t a sign of something more serious.

Day 129: Q & A

Trying to stay strong is taking its toll on me, for sure. I’ve managed to catch another head cold. Everything above me neck hurts and breathing is difficult.

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Inside my face, too.

I can’t fall apart just yet. I just need to survive until the weekend. Things will be fine. I know it.

I need a fun distraction. In the comments, leave a question for me and I’ll answer everything I can. Ask anything you like!