Tag Archives: parenthood

Day 249: Much needed

I didn’t forget today.

I finally got the chance to hang out with some old friends tonight. Most of us are parents now and we brought our kids to the party. It felt good to be silly for no reason again.

I really should do it more often.

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Day 205: Tear-Stained Hearts

Heat wave day 2: Things are nasty. My plants look to be on the verge of death. I wish I could move them into a shadier place. The sun is brutal. Protect yourselves.

In other news, I went to church again yesterday. I’m not claiming to be a very good Christian, or even Christian at all, but I felt like praying there would have more meaning. Sounds silly, but it didn’t hurt to try.

I wasn’t praying for my sake. You may recall an older post about my friend, Brandy, and her pregnancy with twins. Things had be going awesome but she took a bad turn last week. Her cervix began funneling and she was as sick as she could possibly be. Apparently, with single pregnancies, you can just have a surgery to shore up the cervix until the baby is at a more viable age. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case with multiples. The surgery becomes more risky and potentially dangerous for everyone involved as the pregnancy progresses. All she and her wife could do was to wait and pray.

I did the same. I’m not used to speaking with the Christian God. He and I have a very strained relationship that goes back into my childhood. Instead, I prefer to speak with different deities. “Whomever is on duty” is my typical salutation.

Anyway, I sat in church and asked God to give my friend the strength to deal with whatever the Universe was throwing at them. I know that most people would pray that Brandy and the babies would remain safe and healthy. I tried to throw that in there as well, but I’m a realist. I know that sometimes that our Earthly plans and The Universe’s plans don’t line up. It’s shitty but it’s a fact of Life. Keeping that in mind, I asked for strength, guidance and protection for my friends.

Sadly, at around the same time I was doing this, the male twin decided to make his appearance early. Around twenty-one weeks early. The little darling made it only three minutes before passing on. His name was Jeremiah Alan.

As of this morning, his sister is still in place. My friends are destroyed and heartbroken. All of us who know the situation are heartbroken as well. The Universe is a cruel mistress at times and we are all subject to its whims. We all want this little girl to be born healthy and at the proper time. The agony of losing both of them would probably be too much for my friends to handle.

I’ve never had to handle such a loss and I can’t truly imagine the sadness that Brandy and her wife are feeling right now. I’ve read stories about mothers that have lost a child and its really a terrible thing. You see reminders of them everywhere, especially if you’ve been busily preparing your home for their arrival. The sight of other mothers with their babies has even sent some women down a suicidal path. It’s possibly the worst pain a person can endure.

I hate seeing people I care about in pain, but I’m not sure what I can do to help. All I know I can do is continue to be as supportive as I can. They are going to need all the love and friendship I can muster for the foreseeable future.

Day 174: Pop

Father’s day isn’t a favorite of mine. I know my father, he still lives with my mother, but we haven’t had the best relationship since I was a little girl.

He’s a sexist, misogynist, anti-black racist piece of work. I get tired of calling him on his nonsense, so I avoid him.

Anyway, I hope you are having a pleasant day regardless of your parental situation.

Day 172: Return

My son came home today. He says he had a good time but he cant tell me what he actually did. He tried, but he wasn’t very good at expressing himself verbally today. I just listened and was glad he was back. Normally, I need a break from him but several days is more than enough.

On the other hand, I’m starting to feel a little down. This happens when I spend a lot of time on my own. I enjoy my solitude most of the time, but I had a weird, lonely feeling today. I’m supposed to get some writing done but I’m having trouble finding inspiration.

Maybe I’ll feel better later.

 

Day 168: Travels

My son left for a week of camp this morning. I was a little nervous but I’m sure he’ll be fine. This is the farthest he’s gone without me and that’s a little jarring. He’s okay. It’s just church camp.

He had a choice between boy scout camp and church camp and he went with church. Shocking, I know. I don’t think there was spiritual reason. Church camp includes more air conditioning and less work; simple as that. I can’t be mad at him.

That said, I’m left with way more time to kill than is good for me. I’ve planned crochet projects, buy that really depends on how I’m feeling that day. If you are the praying sort, put in a good word for me this week.

I’d appreciate it.

Day 133: Sundays With Mom

I don’t spend enough time with my mother. She isn’t that old and doesn’t need to much help, but I do like when I can help her around the house. Every time I do, I feel as if I gain some secret piece of ancestral knowledge.

My mother is the best cook I know. She’s shared the family cookbook worth me, but I can’t do the recipes justice. There are just some things that over fort years of practice will teach you.

She kind of serves as the family historian as well. Mom knows which cousin comes from which branch of our clan, who got married, who had babies, all that type stuff. Mom is also the person to talk to if you want to know the family gossip.

My mother is amazing and I’ll probably make a better post about her for Mother’s Day. This is just what I can think of while I’m sitting at her kitchen table. I can only hope my own son thinks as highly of me in his adult years.

Day 83: Happy Tears

I made my mother cry a little tonight.

We went out to dinner and I apologized for being an idiot when I was younger. After she asked where this was coming from, I told her that parenthood makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes. She didn’t say anything for a while but I did notice a few tears forming. Mom told me that I didn’t have to apologize, but the gesture was appreciated. I felt better regardless.

Day 74: Mom Talk

My son is at the age where he would forget his own head if it wasn’t attached. He’s managed to lose jackets, shoes, and at least one phone. I spent a good chunk of my afternoon talking to my mother about it and I asked if I was that bad at that age. Her response was…

“Yes, you were. He’s just as much of an airhead.”

I would have been offended, but this is my mother and I needed the perspective. That’s what I get for asking dumb questions.