Tag Archives: self care

Day 166: Mess

I’ve had a weird day. I’ve…

-woken up far too early

-flaked out of a potentially important networking event

-passed out.

-woken up with the shakes

-felt terribly guilty for making people worry about me.

I think I’m okay now, just needed to eat. It’s still a bad feeling that I know how to avoid. I failed at taking care of myself again.

Day 153: Trash

I’m awake far too early, I can’t fall asleep again and my head hurts from crying.

I had a bad dream because my mental state is trash. Now, I’m stuck trying to process emotions that I thought I was done with. I wanted to be done with them, but they aren’t done with me, obviously.

I wanted to talk to Wolf about it but he was headed to work. Its bad enough he’ll be gone all day. I hate throwing all my emotional baggage at him again before he goes. He says he doesn’t mind but I know it bothers him, at least a little. I know because we’ve talked about how he worries about me being at home without him before; when things are looking bad for me.

Honestly, I feel like I set myself up for failure this time. There were things on my mind that needed to be addressed and I continued to ignore them. I should have put all that nonsense out of my head. I know better.

Just goes to show that there isn’t ever an escape. You can be as positive as you want during the day, consciously. Night time is a different story. Your guard lowers while you sleep and all manner of nastiness can fly under the radar.

I’m shaken and sad now. I don’t know how the rest of the day will go. Maybe I can get away with hiding today.

 

Day 142: Stop and Breathe

There are a lot of things I’m working on to improve myself. My self esteem is a mess on a good day. Depression is always lurking behind every corner. I could stand to lose a few pounds, etc.

One of the major things that bothers me us my seeming inability to control my stressors. I let things pile on until I have a breakdown. Could be anything; school stress, work stress, general life stress, doesn’t matter. I don’t vent. I allow my problems to continue to weigh me down.

As I said, I know it’s an issue. It gets to the point when I can hardly function without being a wreck. Generally, a bad time for everyone around me. There are a few things that help but my depression works in a wrap around and I have no desire to take care of myself. Vicious.

There is no real point here other than I’m stressed out right now. I’m sure my overall health is being affected. I’ve started having these random stabbing pains in my head. It sucks and I have no idea when they will strike. I’ll be going about my business when I suddenly have to grab my head and moan.¬† The pain lingers for awhile then goes away, but it always happens again. Hopefully, its just a side effect of my stress and it isn’t a sign of something more serious.

Day 121: Reminder

Hey! You!

Yeah, you.

Have you taken care of yourself today?

Showered? Taken your meds. Gone outside?

Stand up and stretch. Right now. Go on.

Twist a little. Don’t forget your neck.

Now go and get yourself a glass of water. Drink it all. Refill your glass and drink it again.

There. Don’t you feel better?

It’s harder to fight the good fight if you don’t take care of yourself.

This was your reminder for today!

Day 106: April Showers

I don’t know if you heard, but today is my birthday.

I don’t make a big deal about it most of the time. This isn’t a milestone birthday either. I just wanted a quiet, stress free day. Wolf and I had planned on a lunch date and a trip to the botanical gardens.

The universe did try me. Got two midterms this week and some less than pleasant news from work. There were also sporadic thunderstorms all day. No gardens for us. I started to fall into my normal stress cycle again.

My mother made dinner for me and Wolf and I ended up at a bonfire in my parents backyard. As luck would have it, another storm popped up. Everyone else ran for the house, but we watched the rain from beneath a carport.

I love rain. Wolf and I stood together while a downpour happened all around us. No sound apart from the falling rain and our breathing. It was calming. Refreshing. My spirit felt as if it had been pulled from the impending doom. I think my husband got how I was feeling. He was content to hold me and watch the storm as long as I wanted.

It may not have been what I imagined, but it turned out to be one of my better birthdays. Here’s to at least a hundred more!