We are told that we shouldn’t allow our happiness to be dependent on someone else. That we must be content within ourselves before we can accept love from another. This sounds well and good; self love is important and a valid goal to have. However, if you are fortunate enough to find someone who truly cares about you, they will help you to see yourself the way they see you. Flaws and all.
Despite your bad self esteem
Despite your weird laugh
Despite your terrible skin problems
Despite your inability to manage time properly
The right person will love every hair on your wretched little body.
And you won’t be able to understand why. It may even make you angry at times. You’ll become desperately frustrated that they don’t know why you are so awful.
At the same time, you don’t really want them to. A rational person would leave, for sure. They would use their energy on someone as wonderful as they are.
However, loving eyes can rarely see. Rose colored glasses and all that.
Having someone who wholly loves you is a life changing experience. I would hope that everyone could feel this way at some point in there lives, the longer the better.
Today I woke up with an odd feeling. Something like disconnectedness.
I don’t think that’s really a word, but I’m going with it.
I could tell my depression wanted to act up today. A person shouldn’t wake up and immediately want to cry. That’s never okay.
There are things in my life that make me want to cry and be a sad sack all day. Many things that are very easy to dwell on. I could list them, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll list the good things I have going right now.
- I’ve been named a contributor for Unabashed Magazine. Launch date is set around October 10th.
- I’m working on a review of some things from jko Cosmetics. Be on the lookout for it soon.
- My first round of classes for the Fall semester is over and I did well.
- I’ve found a new company to get my teas. Ivy’s Tea Co. is awesome. I might write a review about them too, but I haven’t decided.
- I’ve been able to go out a little bit more.
- My son has finally decided to start reading Harry Potter and I can’t wait to share this fandom with him
I think that’s it for now. Typing it out does make one feel a little better about their lives and it’s always a good idea to honestly check in with yourself sometimes. Don’t always dwell on the bad things. It’s unhealthy.
I am capable.
I am deserving of love and respect.
I am will to do what is needed to achieve my goals.
I am able to accept the good things that happen to me.
I am able to accept the kindness of others.
I am becoming who I’m meant to be.
Things in my private life are going well. I’ve managed to lose 5 pounds. My son joined the bowling team at school. My husband and I are still crazy about each other. Things are good.
In spite of all that, I still carry a heavy sense of foreboding in my heart. As if something is coming to destroy my peace. Perhaps that something has already made an appearance. In uncertain times, it’s good to remember to take care of yourself. I’ve found that a good self care regimen really helps. Do something that makes YOU happy every day. No excuses.
Enjoy exercise? Hit the gym extra hard today.
Like video games? Lose yourself in a fantasy for a while.
Is wine your thing? Have a glass or two.
Have a preferred deity? Drop your worries at their door.
Make yourself and your piece of mind a priority. No one else is going to, that’s for sure.
I couldn’t leave the house again today, so I watched and danced along to Beyoncé videos.
It got me to thinking… Beyoncé is a modern everywoman. There is something in her that embodies all of us. I can easily see things that I love about myself in her. I made a short list for myself.
Loves her babies? Check!
Enjoys having sex with her husband and has no problem sharing that info? Check!
Is trying to do some good in the world? Check!
Trying to love herself? Check!
Out here living her best life? Working on it!
Hopefully, there are some things that you can identify with when you watch Beyoncé. It’s hella good for your self-esteem. Give it a try.