Something interesting happened at work today.
As you know, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with my life lately. I guess I’ve been doing a bad job of hiding it. Today was really hard for me and my coworkers got worried. They know about most of my struggles right now and respectfully asked me to “not show my face around school for the rest of the week.”
I’ve been very reluctant to take any time off for various reasons. We’re already shorthanded and there are some very involved kids in our class this year. Still, it took the threat of physical violence for me to give in. I could be mad at them, but I’m touched by their concern. They’re the best.
Therefore, I’m taking the rest of the week off.
The little girl I worked with passed away this morning. I talked about her in an earlier post.
I’m sad she’s fine but I’m glad she doesn’t have to struggle anymore.
Rest easy, Summer Rose.
I’m not doing well.
Essentially, I think I’m overwhelmed with my life. Work is hard. School is rough, too. My personal life is a shambles.
I want to bury myself until Spring. I want to hibernate. If bears can manage it, so can I.
Trying to remind myself that people exist that have things much more difficult that I do only serves to further remind myself that my feelings are valid and I have a right to them. I can keep repressing myself just because someone else’s life is shittier than mine.
It’s a vicious cycle.
I hate it.
Didn’t sleep well and I’ve been groggy all day.
The rainy weather wasn’t helping either.
Sorry these posts are so short. I’m swamped with work right now and creativity is running low.
Hope you guys are doing amazing!
Work was particularly frustrating today. Can’t say why.
I’m in a comfort food kind of mood. Too bad I don’t have comfort food money.
Being broke is terrible. I can’t save anything if I have to catch up whenever I get money.
I spent too much time relaxing this summer. I only say this because my body is having a hard time readjusting to my normal schedule. My body is sore and I’m worn out.
At the same time, I’m excited to get the school year going. I love seeing my friends progress through the year, ,even though the beginning can be rocky. We have to remember how to be at school, you know.
I’ll also do better about posting regularly. This weekend will be dedicated to getting some writing done and that includes blog posts!
Yesterday felt really nice.
I spent most of the day away from the internet. My son and I colored while watching Bob Ross reruns in the afternoon.
I needed the time to get out of my own head. Coloring was calming and having Bob Ross’ creative encouragement in the background made it more meaningful for both of us. I don’t color very often, but its a real pleasure. A different way to express the creativity is sometimes necessary.
I used to watch Bob Ross on PBS as a kid. It was always amazing to watch him create beautiful paintings as if it were nothing. On top of that, he always encouraged people to paint along with him. Bob said that one the technique was learned that it was easy. I always wanted to try it. I wanted to create masterpieces, too. I’m not sure why I never did.
Wolf and I binged Drunk History for a while after dinner. It was good to spend some quality time with him. We don’t get much time together when he works most of the day. It sounds dumb to say that I miss someone that I see daily, but this is where I find myself most days.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be mentally peaceful too. It’s the big day.
I’ll be headed back to prepare for a new school year.
I have to go back to work on Tuesday.
This is a blessing and a curse. It means that I get to return to some kind of normalcy, a routine if you will. I’ll start getting paid again and seeing my work family will be nice.
At the same time, there will be more fuel for my stress train. I have to go back to pretending to be okay to get through my work day. The kids are also dealing with their own issues and all their collective energies are very draining. Plus, I still have to survive another month without a paycheck. I’m already well behind on bills and finances have been my primary source of bad feelings over the fast ten weeks. This time of year is the worst for me apart from the holidays. Back to school coupled with my son’s birthday means that I need funds. Funds are exactly what I not only don’t have, but have no access to for a while. It’s hard to explain to your kid that we have to celebrate their birthday late because there’s no money for fun.
One would think I could have prepared better. I know about my summer drought every year. I tried to save some to prepare, but my savings ran out much faster than anticipated. My expenses have grown since last year and my budgeting was way off.
I hate asking for help. Hate it. I’m stubborn and have a habit of letting things get as bad as they can. I’m still not comfortable with it but something has to give.
I have a ko-fi link on my homepage and I’ll leave my paypal here too. I also started a patreon. If you would like to donate something, it would be appreciated. Even if you can’t, I understand. I brought this on myself.
Either way, I’m glad I have regular readers. It’s nice to know that I’m not just screaming into the void. I hope you guys are having a great day.
What am I happy about today? School’s out! My Summer starts today!
More time for creating, for reading, for gardening, for living! I feel free and it’s amazing!
Gonna have a drink and watch Netflix tonight!
This has been a rough week. I’ve been trying to stay positive, but it’s been quite a struggle. Things could be so much better for us. Hopefully, the weekend will be nicer. I need some better days.