Tag Archives: writing

Day 329: Late-Nighter

I need to write more.

I’ve read about other writers that have set writing times each day. Some specific amount of time each day to put words on the page. I feel like this would work out well for me.

The only issue is finding the time. I already get up pretty early for work. Then, I’m off educating young minds for a good portion of the day. After that, I have to figure out food for the family and do some studying. If I manage to stay awake for that, I could get some writing done, but it’s hard to be inspired when you can barely function.

I used to get a lot of creative writing done late at night. I would stay up and hammer out all kinds of stories. A lot of it was fanfic, but I was still writing. Almost all of my multi-chapter stories were written, edited, or published after midnight. My ideas tend to flow better around 2 a.m.

This was back before I had to be coherent before 6 a.m. every day. When staying awake didn’t have any repercussions. Things are much different now.

I think my brain is slowly making adjustments. I’ve been taken with several little ideas during working hours. My fairy tale story is piecing itself together slowly. I can tell you that it will either include a princess or several elemental creatures. They won’t leave me alone.

I can’t always stop what I’m doing to write it down and some of my thoughts escape later recall. That’s the real tragedy here.

Also, when I’m too sad to think, writing is out of the question. I can’t barely stop hating myself to carry out basic life functions. You can forget anything creative. Waste of time. The winter/holiday season is usually hard on me. I get stuck in some real, unpleasant feelings. I can’t write and I feel bad about not writing which makes me not write more and that makes me feel worse.

And so on and so on and so on…

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Day 297: Slumped

It’s been really difficult to do any creative writing done. Either my feelings or my workload get in the way and I can’t manage to get anything down on paper.

My inability to write has, in turn, made me feel worse…

Stupid cyclical mental illness.

I’m starting The Spoken Black Girl Journal to Healing Challenge soon. Hopefully, the daily prompts will lead me to some piece of mind. Lord knows I need it and I’m sure I am not the only one. I included a link in case anyone else would like to participate.

Here’s hoping your day is amazing!

Day 284: Forced Perspective

Today I woke up with an odd feeling. Something like disconnectedness.

I don’t think that’s really a word, but I’m going with it.

I could tell my depression wanted to act up today. A person shouldn’t wake up and immediately want to cry. That’s never okay.

There are things in my life that make me want to cry and be a sad sack all day. Many things that are very easy to dwell on. I could list them, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll list the good things I have going right now.

  • I’ve been named a contributor for Unabashed Magazine. Launch date is set around October 10th.
  • I’m working on a review of some things from jko Cosmetics. Be on the lookout for it soon.
  • My first round of classes for the Fall semester is over and I did well.
  • I’ve found a new company to get my teas. Ivy’s Tea Co. is awesome. I might write a review about them too, but I haven’t decided.
  • I’ve been able to go out a little bit more.
  • My son has finally decided to start reading Harry Potter and I can’t wait to share this fandom with him

I think that’s it for now. Typing it out does make one feel a little better about their lives and it’s always a good idea to honestly check in with yourself sometimes. Don’t always dwell on the bad things. It’s unhealthy.

Day 278: Academia

I’m good at school. I’ve always been an amazing student and have become a wonderful educator.

I just wrote a beautiful paper for my collective behavior class. It felt really good to put together and I sounded like I knew exactly what I was talking about. Stats, quotes, personal opinions, the whole nine. It’s beautiful.

If this doesn’t get me an A in this class, I’ll know something.

Forgive the arrogance, but I needed to toot my own horn. I rarely do and I’m working on that. I’m smart and can express myself well. My portfolio will be a thing to behold.

Toot Toot, bitches!

Day 191: Blank Pages

I’ve wanted to be a writer my whole life.

Sure, I’ve had other career plans; cowboy, pharmacist, archer, etc. but I’ve wanted to write consistently the entire time. I even wanted to major in journalism when I started college.  (Goodness, that feels forever ago now.)

This online thing is nice, but nothing beats pen and paper in my book. Pretty pens and nice stationery get me all excited. I guess the words have more meaning if I write them down. A kind of old magic, I think. Saying things aloud gives words power but writing them down gives them more strength.

I have had lots of journals over the years. Hardcover, softcover, hell even loose leaf. My early writing was mostly random daily thoughts and some poems. I entered one of them in a contest when I was in middle school, I think. It came in second place if I remember correctly.

I’ve tried to keep up with all of them over the years, but Life has a funny way of getting in the way from time to time. For example, there was a blue binder I used to have that was full of my writing from my high school days. There was also a draft of a play I was working on. (Now that I remember it, my idea would have worked better as a novel.) I left it at my mother’s place when I moved out amongst other things. That house has since been destroyed by fire and things that I once thought were invaluable are lost forever.

Time passed and I kept writing. Fanfiction was a way I could work on my craft and get out some of my fangirly feelings. I wrote X-Men and Bleach stories for years. I even wrote a few erotic stories. (Those feelings needed to get out too, you know.)  They’re still online if you want to be bothered to read them, but I don’t think I’ll go back and finish. My heart just isn’t in it anymore. Marvel is trash and Bleach is finished, show’s over.

I have a nasty habit of collecting pretty journals. If one catches my eye, I’m hard pressed to not purchase it. I have lots of them just sitting on shelves in my space. Totally empty. Untouched since I bought them. It bothers me from time to time. I used to have so many stories to tell; so many words that I needed to get out before they escaped me permanently. Now, I’m lucky if I manage to get a hundred words put together every day.  Being surrounded by all these empty pages is kind of like being reminded of my shortcomings. I bought these things with ideas in mind for them; ideas that have faded into the ether of my memories. I have mental illness to thank for that, but I’ve been using that as an excuse for too long.

My goal for myself is to stop being passive with my writing; to stop being lazy and letting my ideas fade away. It doesn’t matter anymore about how poorly organized they are or how depressing they might be. It doesn’t even matter if they never form into a real story. I have to keep flexing my creative muscle or it will die. Its come close a few times already. Losing my ability to use words is something I couldn’t live with.

I’m putting all this into the universe. Stepping out on Faith, as the church ladies say. Writing it down and giving the words the power again. I’m finally ready to do the work. I’m ready to watch doors open in front of me. I’m ready to move forward.

Day 172: Return

My son came home today. He says he had a good time but he cant tell me what he actually did. He tried, but he wasn’t very good at expressing himself verbally today. I just listened and was glad he was back. Normally, I need a break from him but several days is more than enough.

On the other hand, I’m starting to feel a little down. This happens when I spend a lot of time on my own. I enjoy my solitude most of the time, but I had a weird, lonely feeling today. I’m supposed to get some writing done but I’m having trouble finding inspiration.

Maybe I’ll feel better later.

 

Day 158: Release Day!

I know I was supposed to write about fidget spinners today and I will post that particular rant at another time. Something more interesting has come up.

 

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Prepare yourself for this!

 

Remember that exciting thing that I couldn’t talk about yet?

No, you say.

That’s okay. I remembered and today I can share the news. I have one of my essay’s published in Spoken Black Girl magazine!!!!!!!!! How amazing is that!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s a brand new, online magazine that talks about mental health, wellness, and beauty featuring women of color. Chock full of other writers and bloggers to follow and be inspired by. Go check it out, guys!